Protecting Our Children: Three Things Every Parent Should Know

Why do we spend so much time teaching children to fear strangers when danger can sometimes look familiar?

It’s an uncomfortable question, but an important one. When it comes specifically to child sexual abuse, the “stranger danger” image doesn't reflect most reported cases. U.S. Department of Justice data cited by RAINN found that 93% of juvenile sexual-abuse victims knew the person who abused them. In those reported cases, 59% of perpetrators were acquaintances, 34% were family members, and only 7% were strangers. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) similarly emphasizes that children who experience sexual abuse are commonly abused by adults known to them. People with trusted access to children can include family members, coaches, religious leaders, health professionals, and other adults in a child's life. That doesn't mean parents should become suspicious of everyone around their children. It means we need to rethink what prevention looks like.

Why This Topic Is Personal to Me

Before becoming a research scientist, I spent six years working on the front lines as a Children's Protective Services investigator and another two years working in foster care. I saw firsthand why awareness, communication, adult involvement, and prevention matter. Today, I'm Dr. Gretchen Lain, an author and research scientist who studies human potential. I share research so people can actually do something with it. And this topic isn't meant to scare parents.

It's meant to equip them. So, let's unwrap the research.

Remember K.I.D.: Know. Involve. Discuss.

K: KNOW who has access to your child.

Know the adults and older youth spending time with your child and pay attention to situations that create unnecessary unsupervised access. The AAP recommends adult-focused prevention strategies such as minimizing unsupervised time with children, supervising interactions between older and younger children when appropriate, strengthening screening practices in youth-serving organizations, and recognizing and reporting concerning behavior.

Danger doesn't always look dangerous. Sometimes, it looks familiar. Awareness isn't about teaching children to distrust everyone. It's about adults paying attention to the environments and relationships surrounding them.

I: INVOLVE yourself in your child's world.

Connection is one of the most powerful things we can give children. Know their friends. Know their routines. Ask about their day. Listen when they talk about something that made them uncomfortable, nd create a relationship in which they know they can come to you with difficult information. Most importantly, think about how you react when they tell you something. AAP guidance emphasizes that when a child discloses abuse, adults should respond calmly and protectively, listen rather than repeatedly interrogate the child, and reassure the child that what happened was not their fault. Support following disclosure is associated with better long-term outcomes. Your child shouldn't only know:

“I can tell Mom or Dad.” They need to believe: “I can tell them, and they'll listen.”

D: DISCUSS body safety, boundaries, and secrets.

Don't wait until something happens to start these conversations. Use developmentally appropriate, anatomically correct names for body parts. Talk about privacy and personal boundaries. Teach children that they can speak up when something makes them uncomfortable and that they should tell a trusted adult about unsafe or uncomfortable secrets.

AAP guidance encourages age-appropriate conversations about privacy, personal safety, anatomical terminology, safe and unsafe touch, and healthy boundaries. But there's an important distinction: Teaching children about safety does not make children responsible for preventing abuse. The AAP notes that child-focused education alone has not been shown to prevent sexual abuse and cautions against placing the burden of prevention on potential victims. Prevention ultimately requires adults to create safer environments around children.

Let Me Wrap This Up and Put a Bow on It

We cannot remove every risk from a child's life. But we can know who has access to them. We can stay involved in their lives. We can discuss boundaries, bodies, privacy, and uncomfortable situations. And we can build relationships where children know they can speak—and adults will listen.

Remember:

K.I.D.

Know, Inolve, Discuss.

Because ultimately: Protecting children isn't a child's responsibility. It's ours, the adults.

So here's my question for you: Does your child know they can tell you if someone hurts them, scares them, touches them inappropriately, asks them to keep an unsafe secret, or simply makes them uncomfortable? And perhaps even more importantly: Do they know you'll listen? If this information helped you, save it and share it with another parent, caregiver, teacher, coach, or adult who works with children. Follow Dr. Lain Investigates: WHY DO WE DO THAT? for more research about human behavior, and practical ways to put that science to work.

Dr. Gretchen Lain is an author and research scientist who studies human potential. Her work translates behavioral science and research into practical information people can use in everyday life.